Contribution To Lamentation

While writing this today, I'm sitting back with a drink simply marvelling at life. So many things seem to be happening lately that I don't really like. I like to think I've recovered from my recent breakup, though it sometimes returns with a vengeance to strike me down into an unhappy stupor yet again. Additionally, I've been turned down yet again after my fourth job interview here in town. Joy of joys. But right when you think you've got it all figured out, it gets even better. My phone is broken. The screen is badly cracked, as if somebody shot it. Most of the touchscreen no longer works. Effectively, all it can now do is answer phone calls and read (but not reply to) texts. So, if you need/want to get ahold of me, call me or Facebook me. Don't text me, because I couldn't answer it even if I wanted to. I estimate another several days (or even longer) before I'm able to get a replacement. I could always downsize to not-an-iPhone, which would be easier, but I would still be without my iPod musical capabilities. This is unacceptable. Thus, I'm rather upset right now. On the upside, however, my sister in law has been in town visiting, which indubitably means I've had to deal with the trolling of an older sister for the past week or so. Which is definitely interesting, seeing as I'm used to being the one who dishes out the trolling rather than being the target of it. She's bunches of fun! We get along well, and I've really enjoyed having her here to visit (emphasis on "visit"... heehee [oh come on, it's a joke] ).

I've had a lot of fun over the past couple weeks, despite the recent downfalls of my life. My family went to Monterey and toured the world-famous Monterey Bay Aquarium. We also went to "Big Trees" to see the giant redwoods. Then I went with some friends down to San Francisco so my friend could audition for the new-ish American Idol spinoff, The Voice. He wasn't successful, but he did an admirable job and they only selected two out of the countless participants who showed up. Aside from that, I simply love road trips. The ridiculous singing along to music, frustrating realizations that we just got lost, and heart-to-heart bromance is essential to a man's life at one point or another.

I have a craving. I haven't gone shooting since before I moved away from Utah (a.k.a. HOME!!!). I miss it dearly (shooting AND Utah). I have ammunition, clay targets, and my Drobovik (Russian for "shotgun"). I merely need a place to go with some friends to blow some things away. This, I think, is one of the very best stress relievers. The satisfactory kick of a shotgun, coupled with the booming discharge and addicting sight of a spent shell ejection, is medicinal to say the least. Somebody should find me a nearby place I can go, preferably free of any sort of entrance fee.

I'm hungry.

J R Williams

Casey Anthony

Below, I copy and pasted a very large comment posted on a friend of mine's Facebook status today. It was a small debate on the questionable outcome of the Casey Anthony case, and my input was requested. I ended up writing enough that I decided to make a blog post out of it for anyone interested.

I read up on wikipedia what I could about the case, and it seems to me that neither the defense nor the prosecution sufficiently did their jobs. I haven't seen footage of any of the trials and thus I can't make out the attitudes with which said prosecution or defense was speaking; I'm basing my opinion off of what I read. Honestly she could very easily NOT be guilty, though she also very easily could be. There was a solid amount of evidence to insinuate premeditated murder, but no evidence of the carrying-out of the murder. I'm not going to presume to know who is guilty and who is innocent; I won't make such deep assumptions or opinionations based on my own limited insight into the matter. But I will say this: to me, it appears that this woman is most merely a mentally unstable, highly emotionally volatile individual, who is unquestionably guilty in the areas of child neglect, threatening, and falsified information, most likely in some ill-conceived psychiatric self-defense attempt. It's very clear that this woman has a lot of issues. A lot. And though I'm going to remain neutral here, there isn't any hard evidence of the actual carrying out of the murder. From one perspective, people threaten to kill people they know all the time. Nobody knows the possible levels of domestic mental or emotional abuse that went whatever way it could have gone in the home. Therefore nobody can definitely conclude whether or not Google searches on how to create chloroform or searches as vague as "death" can be proof of premeditation, sheer curiosity, spur-of-the-moment anger after a fight, etc. There are simply too many possibilities. So I find the whole thing interesting, but I won't make a judgment on which side was right. The defense and the prosecution were both ill-equipped in their cases.

Ginger's J R Williams

Recent Tidings

I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. Many sleepless nights. I'm not entirely sure why; perhaps due to certain recent events that have played havoc on my mind. The last few days have been truly an experience, though not one I'd ever want to relive. I've completely redefined the term "rollercoaster mood," as I've gone from laughs to tears more times than I can count. Now to my family that reads this... Don't worry. I'm fine.


I've been drawing a lot. Everything from my usual zentangles to Pikachu and various characters from Spongebob. Drawing calms me. So does typing, hence a big part of the reason I'm writing this to begin with. I've also discovered the awesomeness that is the band Mayday Parade. These guys are simply lyrically gifted. They have some great stuff.


Isaiah 55:8. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and neither are My ways your ways declares the Lord." Bad things happen. And more often than not, bad things happen to good people. But there is a PURPOSE and a REASON to everything, even if we can't understand why right now. God has it all planned out in a most perfect way, and it's all going to be okay, however it ends. Because it all ends, at some point.


I digress. I should be showering and getting ready to go job hunting some more, yet here I am blogging. I'll try to update my blog more often, as I don't seem to do so lately.


Ginger's J R Williams

An Ode To Skillet

One Day Too Late I realized I wasn't quite ready to be Awake And Alive, so I told everyone who came into my room "Don't Wake Me, because I feel like a Monster." My Forsaken mother told me that I need a Hero to bring me from my Comatose state of mind. Under My Skin I felt this lack of Energy and lay idly to watch it Cycle Down, and as I was Falling Inside The Black of sleep I thought to myself that I should have given A Little More effort to waking up because I was raised to Never Surrender... and yet Sometimes I just feel like The Older I Get the more it starts Eating Me Away, slowly driving me crazy until all I hear are Whispers In The Dark. I often battle with Those Nights, only to have them say to me "It's Not Me It's You" and attempt to Say Goodbye and leave me alone in my thoughts of my laziness. I feel my Open Wounds laced through my Imperfection, and I resolve that I'm going to Rebirth and Believe that this is The Last Night that My Obsession with wallowing in my own lethargy is going to hold me down. So I got up and said good morning to my sister Lucy and cleaned myself off, Fingernails included. I noted that my laziness hadn't tried to stop me, for it in itself was too lazy, and I said to it "You Should've When You Could've."

This story doesn't make very much sense, but I managed to feature almost every Skillet song I have in it. I feel so accomplished.

Songs I have that I missed putting in:
"Earth Invasion."
"Forgiven."
"Collide."
"Yours To Hold."
"Better Than Drugs."
"Looking For Angels."

J R Williams

Mental Overload of Musical Possibility

The Newsboys.
Skillet.
Toby Mac.
Tenth Avenue North.
Matthew West.
Thousand Foot Krutch.
Fireflight. Disciple.
The Afters.
Sanctus Real.
Manafest.
Sidewalk Prophets.
Chris August.
Stellar Kart.
Phil Wickham.
And about eight or nine other Christian bands. Three words. Spirit West Coast. THESE GUYS ARE ALL GOING TO BE IN CONCERT TOGETHER IN THE SAME DAY. I. Am. So. Going.

Home, War, and Unemployment

The move from Utah to California has officially come to its close. My dad and I flew back to Salt Lake City to load a second moving truck and drove it back to Lodi (California) yesterday. The drive took roughly 14 and a half hours. Yeah, it really WAS as fun as it sounds. And by fun, I mean not fun in any remote way whatsoever. The goodbye was heart-wrenching; granted, upon returning to Utah for an additional two weeks after initially leaving for California I suddenly found myself thinking to myself something along the lines of "I could have sworn I had more friends than this. Where is everybody?" It was a definitive "find out who your true friends are" moment. But saying goodbye to those close friends of mine was difficult -- even for a rock-solid, emotionally sound young man such as myself. Hahaha. As if. I said goodbye to my friend Travis and his family, and I broke down right in front of them. Luckily, shortly following that moment I regained my composure and felt I would be alright... until I arrived at home, upon which I broke down once more. I know, I know; what a baby, right? Meh. Oh well. Anyways, I digress.

We are all settled in here in Lodi finally -- I've even posted several pictures of the new house. I have never been more torn in my entire life when it comes to my opinion of the move. On one hand, it's incredibly and deplorably depressing. I grew up in Salt Lake City. My friends are there. My memories are there. I worked for my dad at Rock Creek Pizza for seven years. It was my first job, and I recently left. Now I have no social life. No car. Unpaid bills. And to add icing to the already ravaged cake: I'm unemployed. I'm not used to being unemployed. It's a weird, and frightening feeling. Why would anybody choose to dwell in such a state?? I'm going out tomorrow and applying at everything with a "Now Hiring" sign I can possibly find. Now that I've done my rant on the horrors of leaving home, I'll flip-flop over to the other hand: the upsides. I adore the weather here. Sure I miss the snow, but I don't miss waking up every morning and freezing my face off with a shovel clearing the driveway so I can leave. I like my new house. I've never lived in a house this nice, and I'm growing quite fond of it. Also, I'm excited by the whole "fresh start" possibility. A chance to reshape my life and be who I want to be. I've coerced myself into a mindset that says "Well you're moving 700 miles away and starting a new life, so you might as well change whatever you want to change now." Consequently, I've started working out, I dyed my hair black (though it's faded to a dark brown now, on its way back to a light-ish brown like it normally is), I sold a lot of my old things, and I've even gotten a new wardrobe. I've already met some people too.. :) (I know what you're thinking. "*Gasp* Jordan, you NEVER use smiley faces or other text-lingo in your blog posts!" But when you gotta smile, you gotta smile, so bear with me). I've also put together a basic list of my immediate/short term goals for the new life here. First: find a job. That is KEY to everything. Secondly: get a car. That is also hugely important, especially since I'd very much like to be able to make some trips down south a ways.. Thirdly: make some friends. Haha. Lame goal I know, but hey, a guy has to do SOMETHING or he's going to go out of his mind in boredom. Fourthly: get back to school. I've been putting thought into where I want to go to school, and I think at first I'm just going to go to Delta here in Lodi (community college) to get my generals done and save some money. Eventually, I'd like to go maybe to Sacramento state or UCLA. Why I want to go to either one of those I don't even honestly know. They're both prestigious schools with dorms and I want the full college experienece; not just community college. *Sigh*. I suppose we'll see what happens.

My brother Brandon is now on his way to Afghanistan to serve in the Army. My heart goes out to he and his wife Melissa for their 14 month separation from each other. You've got to hand it to them: that's love right there. I don't think I would be able to go that long without my wife, so I have great respect and admiration for them. I pray for his safety and for hers during this time. Brandon, if you happen somehow to read this: know that many people here are thinking of you and praying for you, and that I love you. Take care of yourself, and come back to us in one piece okay?

I have often thought of joining a branch of the military for financial and educational reasons (basically: I'm poor.). Besides, I'd be a total stud after boot camp. Hahaha. But honestly I could not go to war. If a thief breaks into my home and attempted to bring harm to me or my family, I'd shoot him down without hesitation. I'd take a life. If I were in a kill-or-be-killed situation like that, I would act. But the concept of literally killing a man sickens me, and the knowledge that that man and many others would very much like to kill me terrifies me. I could never put myself in a situation or place where I would end up in a war zone. I lack the resolve to go to war. I lack the courage. Call it cowardice, call it simple self-preservation, call it sensitivity; the simple fact is that I will not join the military for fear of war. And war is one of the very few things in life these days aside from liberals and economic instability that is NOT in short supply. I have often been known for my stereotypical outlook against the military that it is made up of dropouts who merely had no other place to turn. But my brother changes my opinion. He is one of a great many who are out there doing a service for their country, and to all of you men: I salute you. You are all heroes, regardless of the fools in office who may misuse you or abuse you. Your bravery and strength is never forgotten.

I wrote this post while listening to "Heart of Courage" by Two Steps From Hell; quite possibly the perfect song to listen to while writing about military action and/or war. Don't let the band's name fool you: they are a group dedicated to producing movie trailer music. All of their songs are instrumental. and many of them are absolutely amazing pieces of music.

On that note, I'll put a stop to this post. Tomorrow, I begin the search for a job and a jumpstart to my new life. Wish me luck.

J R Williams

Back From The Dead

I haven't put up a post in awhile, so I suppose I better update the digital world of my misgivings. The move has officially been made from Utah to California. I like my new house very much; it's a very nice place. It's open and well-lit and close to literally everything in town. Currently I am back in Utah with my dad to "finish the job" per se. We flew out to conduct one last truckload of "stuff" back to California. I'm dreadfully excited, and by dreadfully excited I mean I'm not excited in the slightest bit. Hopefully the drive goes smoothly, though hope is merely one's way of mentally eluding either the inevitable or the undesirable. I know, I sound like a pessimist; however I prefer to see myself as a realist opportunist. This essentially means I maintain a borderline pessimistic-realist world view, but I like to think optimistically in relation to the outcomes and possibilities pertaining to such views. I don't expect that to fully make sense, but then I don't always fully understand myself anyways. Right now I am sitting secretly filming my dad playing Medal of Honor on his laptop, because he is absolutely hilarious to watch right now.

Alright, for the moment I'm sure many have been waiting for eagerly: my thoughts of the Great Move. Emotionally, I am simply exhausted. Between pre-existing drama with friends, a tragic and unhappy (to me anyways) breakup, the abrupt ending of any and all face-to-face social life activity outside of family members, and the loss of a job i've known and loved for over six years, coupled with anything and everything else that I encounter, I'm drained. And I've been steadily sick since a few days before the move. Such is life, I suppose. I'm not complaining, as much as it sounds like it. I'm really okay with the move. I like the house and the neighborhood and I hope to get a nice fresh start out of this whole thing. I'm just drained emotionally. Irritable. But like all things it'll pass, and hopefully sooner rather than later. I'm choosing to be optimistic about it; I just thought I'd share my mind with the page. I might end up catching some flack from you family out there for being "upset" or whatever I may seem to be, but I'm really okay, so please don't worry.

I've rekindled my waning taste in instrumental music, and am even getting into a couple alternative songs (I'll call them alternative because I have a jaded opinion against "indie" music even though essentially that's what it is. indie/folk/whatever.) I wouldn't normally be known for. I decided there isn't a type of music I DON'T like. I listen to Eminem, Dr. Dre, and a handful of other rappers. I listen to the Beach Boys and Bon Jovi. I listen to Thousand Foot Krutch and FM Static. I listen to Boston, Journey, Toto, Foreigner, and Petra. I listen to Asking Alexandria and Nightwish. I listen to Bullet for my Valentine and A Day To Remember and Escape The Fate. I listen to everything. Don't hate my music, because odds are if I heard yours I would like yours too. That being said, your agreement/disagreement with my musical taste really isn't my concern. The music is. If you like the same music, great. If not, oh well.

J R W